See my latest blog: The Wrong Planet? A Guide for Adults Wondering if They’re Neurodivergent
By Angela U. Seymour, LPC
Have you ever felt like you experience the world slightly differently? Do certain sensory inputs overwhelm you while others barely register? Do you sometimes feel like social interactions are guided by an unwritten rulebook everyone else seems to have memorized? Perhaps you have intense passions that absorb your focus for hours, or you struggle with tasks that seem second nature to others. You might have even wondered if you were from another planet.
If this sounds familiar, you aren’t "broken," and you aren't actually an alien. You might just be neurodivergent. This realization often dawns in adulthood, as the demands of careers, relationships, and daily life can make these differences more apparent.
Understanding neurodivergence is a powerful tool for self-discovery and acceptance. This blog post aims to demystify neurodivergence, explore what it might mean for you, and introduce the concepts of neuro-affirming care and self-compassion on this journey.
The term "neurodivergence" was coined by sociologist Judy Singer in the late 1990s. It acknowledges that everyone's brain is wired differently, and there's no single "normal" or "correct" way to think, learn, and process information. Just as there is biodiversity in nature, there is neurodiversity in human brains.
A "neurotypical" person’s brain develops and functions in a way that aligns with the dominant or expected patterns. A neurodivergent person’s brain functions in ways that diverge from this dominant norm.
Neurodivergence is a description of a person’s inherent neurological makeup. It's often associated with conditions like:
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): Differences in social communication, repetitive behaviors, and intense interests.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): Differences in executive function, including attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.
Dyslexia: Differences in reading and language processing.
Dyspraxia (Developmental Coordination Disorder): Differences in motor coordination and planning.
Dyscalculia: Differences in math and numerical reasoning.
Tourette Syndrome: Repetitive, involuntary movements or vocalizations (tics).
Sensory Processing Differences: Hyper- or hypo-sensitivity to sensory input like light, sound, touch, or smell.
It's also important to note that many neurodivergent individuals have overlapping traits, a concept known as co-occurrence. For example, it’s common for an autistic individual to also have ADHD.
For many adults, especially women, marginalized groups, and those who internalized society’s expectations, neurodivergence can go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for decades. Often, people excel at "masking"—mimicking neurotypical behavior to fit in—which can be incredibly exhausting and lead to burnout.
If you’re wondering if you might be neurodivergent, here are some common experiences adults reflect on:
Sensory and Environmental:
Feeling easily overwhelmed by loud environments, strong smells, or busy visual stimuli.
Disliking the texture of certain clothes or foods intensely.
Finding specific sounds, even quiet ones, extremely distracting.
Seeking out specific sensory experiences (like fidgeting or rocking) to self-soothe.
Social and Communication:
Feeling like social interactions require careful planning and decoding.
Struggling to understand sarcasm, implied meaning, or "reading between the lines."
Preferring clear, direct communication and finding small talk challenging.
Feeling a sense of otherness in groups, even with friends.
Needing significant downtime to recharge after social events.
Executive Function and Focus:
Struggling with organization, time management, and prioritizing tasks.
Experiencing "hyperfocus" – becoming completely absorbed in a project or topic, losing track of time and bodily needs.
Finding it very difficult to switch tasks or adapt to unexpected changes.
Procrastinating, not out of laziness, but due to feeling overwhelmed by a task.
Intense Interests:
Having deeply focused, often very specific passions or collections.
Needing to discuss a specific interest at great length, even when others seem less engaged.
If these experiences resonate with you, seeking support from a mental health professional can be invaluable. However, it would be beneficial to seek neuro-affirming care. This approach is rooted in the social model of disability, which views neurodivergence as a natural variation of human existence. It’s about working with your neurodivergent brain, not against it.
A neuro-affirming therapist will:
Validate your experience: Understand that your self-knowledge and perspective are valid.
Focus on strengths and accommodations: They work with you to understand your strengths and identify accommodations that help you thrive (e.g., using noise-canceling headphones or creating visual schedules).
Help you understand your triggers and needs: They will work collaboratively to help you manage sensory overload and executive function challenges.
Respect your neurodivergence: They understand that neurodivergence is an integral part of who you are and will support you in radically accepting it.
Many adults choose to seek a formal diagnosis through a psychological evaluation with a psychologist or psychiatrist. This can be validating, provide access to support services, and help in seeking workplace accommodations. However, many also choose not to seek a formal diagnosis. These neurodivergent people have used self-understanding and problem-solved to implement support strategies long before, or instead of, receiving a formal diagnosis.
The realization that you might be neurodivergent can bring a complex mix of emotions: relief, confusion, sadness for the years you felt "wrong," and excitement about understanding yourself better.
This is where self-compassion is vital. Self-compassion is the practice of extending the same warmth, care, and understanding to yourself that you would to a dear friend. It involves three key elements:
Self-Kindness: Being gentle and understanding with yourself, especially when you face challenges. For example, instead of thinking, "I'm so lazy, I can't start this project," you can try, "This task feels really overwhelming right now because of how my brain processes it. That makes sense. Let's try breaking it down into a tiny first step."
Common Humanity: Recognizing that everyone struggles and has moments of difficulty. Your neurodivergent traits and challenges are part of the spectrum of human experience. You are not alone in how you experience the world.
Mindfulness: Holding your difficult thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness, rather than over-identifying with them. When you feel overwhelmed, acknowledge, "I am feeling sensory overload right now," without judging yourself for it.
Uncovering that you might be neurodivergent in adulthood is a process of unlearning, redefining, and rewriting your own story. It’s a journey that can lead to profound self-acceptance and a life that is truly aligned with your unique, beautiful mind.
If you’re feeling curious or confused, please know that your experience is valid. Seek out resources, connect with neurodivergent communities, and, if you feel ready, consider seeking out a neuro-affirming professional who can walk alongside you on this path of self-discovery.
Remember, your brain just operates differently. And that difference is a valuable part of what makes you, you. The most healing part of this journey is often the realization that you haven't been failing at being a human; you’ve been succeeding at a much harder task: surviving in a world that wasn't built for your brain.
Resources
Embrace Autism (Website): https://embrace-autism.com/
ADDitude (ADHD Website) https://www.additudemag.com/
Neurodivergent Insights (Website): https://neurodivergentinsights.com/
Is This Autism? (Book): https://amzn.to/4s6doTt
ADHD is Awesome (Book) https://amzn.to/47u9HiQ
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About The Author: Angela U. Seymour, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor who is a Certified Clinical Trauma Specialist. She specializes in helping those with anxiety, depression, and trauma. She has extensive training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Other treatment approaches she is trained in include Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Somatic Therapy, and Mindful Self-Compassion Therapy (MSC). She likes to use a combination of treatment techniques to help clients, as each client's needs are unique.
Disclaimer: This blog post is for educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical advice or establish a therapist-client relationship. If you are struggling with intense distress or trauma, please seek professional support from a licensed mental health provider or contact the National Crisis Line 988 or https://988lifeline.org/.